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 Today I organised my own preemptive rescue.

I struggled today, from getting up and getting ready through work, even though it was less stressful, and up until it was time to head home. It wasn’t helped by recieving what I think might be my first random internet trans hate on response to my selfie post as a part of the #transtakeover hashtag.

By the time I was on my way home I was realising that I shouldn’t be at home alone this evening because I was already fighting back tears so after a little back and forth I organised to go spend the evening with Dave and Sarah. It was super lovely and we just hung out and chatted all evening and Sarah made tasty pasta for dinner with really good bacon in it and it was just so nice and I love hanging out with those guys and then at the end of the evening Dave even drove me back to Seaford to pickup my car and head home and it was so lovely and such a nice evening that the idea of crashing just didn’t even start. 

I slept too little (50%)

I ate too little (50%)

I didn’t meditate (0 mins)

I didn’t exercise (0 mins)

Tomorrow includes DnD and I’m so excited.

Oh! Apprently it’s #transtakeover time! I’m Ash, a queer aussie gamedev translady, wife, birbmum, & badass.

Today I started watching Stranger Things with Emily.

I woke to sunshine again today and, after an unsuccessful foray into Emily trying to do my makeup for me with summer soiree foundation she found, decided to rock the makeup free look again today.

Work was stressful and undirected again today, once I was done I needed a nap on the couch to try and calm myself. Emily woke me with tasty dumpling lunch which we ate before releasing the birb. Emily cleaned the bathroom today while I kept BMO occupied. He was actually super nice and well behaved today, giving me lots of cuddles and being relatively calm. He was also pretty happy to go back in his room for dinner at the end of it all which helped avoid further stress. After BMO was away I managed to spend a little bit of time getting some work done on Monadnock in the interests of making it easier to demo on a mobile device. It’s definitely nice to have my brain running on that project again. Plus I had some more fun ideas about The Republic as last night’s brainstorming with Emily seems to have eased up the creative block on that project as well.

After I found myself at a decent stopping point I shut down my computer and Emily and I had some early dinner over YouTube and then decided to watch just the first episode of Stranger Things before switching to something lighter to avoid out spooking ourselves and giving ourselves nightmares. Obviously after the first episode we had to watch the second ’cause the first ends with such dramatic tension, but we’d switch after that. Then after the second we decided that it was still early and we were being creatively inspired so we’d watch just one more and then because it would get us to the halfway mark we had to Rauch the fourth episode after which did genuinely retire to watch Clone Wars in bed.

I slept pretty well (80%)

I ate what we had (70%)

I didn’t exercise (0 mins)

I didn’t meditate (0 mins)

Tomorrow I’m at work again and am worried about trying to deal with all the complex problems so if I can just avoid having a panic attack I’ll call that a win.

Today I enjoyed the storm.

It was so bright and sunny this morning it was hard to believe the weather forecast was predicting massive storm. During the day I excitedly watched the sky and the weather radar as the oncoming storm approached. Meanwhile I struggled with work, trying to resolve several issues but not making any progress on any of them and becoming increasingly frustrated and, as a result, distracted. By the end of the day I was struggling to keep myself together as I felt completely useless, lazy and stupid for my wasting work time. I hate the feeling that I’ve costed money to my work without result, it makes me feel totally despicable. We headed out to get some chocolate from the shops in the last bit of calm before the second front of the storm hit. I sat by the window for a little bit watching the rain and lightning before taking BMO his dinner and sitting and playing with him for a while which was really helpful in calming my nerves.

Once it was time for BMO to sleep I headed out and just sat with Emily on the couch. We watched the storm and did some game design brainstorming for a while before popping over to our neighbours’ house to see if they were interested playing some candlelight boardgames. They weren’t as they were worn out from the day but we had a nice chat before we headed back home to chill by ourselves which we were perfectly happy with. Emily made a brilliant pasta dinner with the gas cooktop which we are currently very grateful for and then we watched national treasure on DVD on the laptop until bedtime.

I slept plenty but light (60%)

I ate a lot of dairy (45%)

I didn’t exercise (0 mins)

I didn’t meditate (0 mins)

Tomorrow I want to be better at work and to have the power back on.

Today I was much less engaged than I would have liked to have been.

I ended up deciding to go with a no makeup day today but because I wanted to or was sure I’d be ok but just because my foundation is getting low and I can’t afford to buy more at the moment. Once I started work I found myself working on a bunch of small frustrating things while having the US presidential debate ony second monitor and it was honestly a bad time for my mood, even if it wasn’t too bad by the end of it.

Dave arrived half way through my work for coworking time. Once I was done we all headed out to the bakery to ger lunch because we’d heard about gluten free Tuesdays. Once we were there, however, we discovered that gluten free Tuesdays doesn’t include any gluten free hot food. We went next door to Maxwell’s and Dave got one of their amazing burgers with a gluten free bun while I got freaked out by the lighting and the noise and had to go outside. Dave ended up shouting us lunch from the bakery because he is lovely and we headed home to eat our tasty treats. After lunch it was time to let BMO out for a fly. He was an absolute shit today, biting Dave and having a tantrum whenever I went near him so I was glad to go clean the bathroom while Emily played with him even if it was exhausting. Afterwards I finally opened up Unity for the first time in months and spent some time working out how to Fix a bunch of visual glitches we have with the mobile version of Monadnock.

After dinner we sat down and had summer brainstorming time for a project for a residency Emily and I want to apply for in the next few days. We kind of eventually just devolved into general discussion and chatting but not before coming up with a brilliant idea for the residency.

The chatting ended up taking us all the way till bedtime and so we lucked Dave back out into the cold and retired.

I slept restlessly (55%)

I ate what was given to me (75%)

I didn’t exercise (0 mins)

I didn’t meditate (0 mins)

Tomorrow I’m working from home because there is going to be a massive storm so I’m mostly just hoping I can get my work fine without being too distracted.