Today I did a bunch with mum’s help.

Mum rocked up at nine this morning and we went for a nice long walk for some exercise and then, because Emily wasn’t home yet she helped wash the dishes, take out the rubbish and helped with some other cleaning. I rushed through the shower and we headed out and did grocery shopping. By the time we got back Emily was home and I was exhausted. We went over to the vardo where Emily painted and I napped. Then we made savoury muffins together, after which it was time for the finale of our game of Court Of Swords which was pretty damn excellent in my own opinion. Now though, I am super sleepy. I definitely defied my spoon count this morning and that felt victorious, but I’m being realistic and not assuming that will be the norm ongoing.

Today I did adventures despite being super tired.

This morning was the first day on increased meds and I managed to get through the finale of our Girl By Moonlight game but afterwards I was SO EXHAUSTED. Gwen came around at around lunch time and we all went on an adventure to get some indoor plants and then when we got home I managed to work on and post an update to The Republic, before basically crashing. I got to listen to Sarah reading a story for her patreon patrons and then basically spent the rest of the night watching Court Of Swords and Brooklyn Nine Nine. It’s very very strange being in this place of mental health… crisis? Cause some of the time I feel fine and even good and I can’t work out what all the fuss is about, and then other times I’m just completely out of my own head in different ways. I’m trying real hard not to hate on myself for being a burden, especially on Emily, And instead trying my best to just be thankful for the people supporting me in a really scary time.

Today I crashed hard but was cared for.

I was up at a good time this morning and pretty quickly got onto having a long shower which was a big struggle but I managed it. I got myself dressed, got a little work done, had some lunch, and then just fucking broke down. I found myself on the bed having some of the most intensely rough and dangerous mental experiences I’ve had in a long time, which is impressive considering where I’ve been at so far this year. I managed to message Emily and she came and helped me through the second half of it and then organised a care plan for the rest of the day. She kept me company, kept me occupied, even while doing her own work. Dave came around for the afternoon and evening and we worked together a little, him doing actual code stuff and me writing a game over the course of an afternoon. We all had snacks and Emily made delicious pasta for dinner and then we watched Logan, which was very disappointing, and then the first episode of Dirk Gently which was very not. I felt more cared for, loved, and supported than I tend to think I deserve, but that’s the crux of it I guess, nothing is ever fair, good or bad, it just is.

I’m not sure what my plans for tomorrow are yet, but I think I’m probably streaming in the morning and playing Torchbearer in the afternoon? That will be nice.

Today I fell asleep after character creation.

This morning I was slow to start and so by the time I was ready for the day it was time to get on a call for character creation for an RPG stream. In the end the call took WAY longer than I anticipated and afterwards I was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch for a few hours. After dinner I managed to get SOME work done but not a lot cause the work I did do was so anxiety inducing.

Tomorrow I’m gonna try and get more solid work done. Hopefully Dave coming around for coworking will help that.