Today I went on a scavenger hunt.

This morning I woke up to a reminder that today was Sarah’s J’s birthday party so I moved my streaming plans to tomorrow, spent the morning in bed trying to nurse my headspace into a good place and then, after we’d done The grocery shopping, I headed into the city. The party was mostly a picnic gathering with a ridiculous amount of baked goods and snacks. There was, however, a photo scavenger hunt so Genevieve, Josh and I formed a team and went and took photos of an ugly heritage building, our band EP cover, a cursed image, ugly Christmas decorations, and reenactments of film scenes.

Afterwards we picniced some more until it was finally time to head home where Emily and I had a lovely dinner together and started the new series of Stranger Things. The whole party was a super lovely time and I really like all those people and then it was really nice to come home to a lovely evening with Emily.

Tomorrow I’m gonna stream hand of fate in the morning and then alas for the awful sea in the evening.

God, I need to fix my sleeping pattern. Late nights on the internet can be so goddamn addictive. At some point in the evening you’re distracted from what you were doing and end up trawling twitter, tumblr, reddit, facdbook, youtube, etc for “fun”. After a while you’re connecting with so much stuff; reading, listening, watching, commenting, tweeting, reblogging, remixing; you’re pretty much communing with the internet and this is all cool. This is your high but what I find is that you can ride it too long. You can start to get this feeling of desparation, I call it the fear, part of it is the feeling of the connections not being deep enough or meaningful enough or something, fuck it’s just not filling this space you’re trying to fill or you’re somehow incapable of filling it yourself even with the help of a global network of other minds who share their thoughts with you if only you had thoughts to share or a meaningful way to word them but you dont because it’s now the strange hours of the morning and the majority of your very recent history has been that internet. I’ve tried putting a concerted effort into stopping and actually doing something and I’ve tried just going to bed but both answers have been met with the incapable distracted fidgetting of a metaphysically distracted mind. I think one possible cure might be for an outsider to take away the person stuck in this late-night e-limbo and engage them in some other calming task in which they are able to connect on a human level; even something as simple as a cup of tea and some shared television? Further testing is needed for this cure. Till then I still get The Fear, as I call it in my head. Maybe I’m the only one, or maybe it’s a common symptom for those of us of a certain predisposition and schedule, or perhaps it is the presence of some malevolent sprit that wanders the tubes like Virgil or Lain. Either way I hope it’s not something you, the reader, ever have to experience.

I always forget how useful and important music is to mental health and then when I rediscover it I feel like I’ve been an idiot. The truth, however is that Alain de Botton is right, the secular world needs to rebuild structures for mental health maintenance that it discarded when it decided that it didn’t need a church if it didn’t need a god.