Today I cobbled things together.

I ended up deciding to have a no-makeup day today because I wouldn’t get another opportunity for one until next Wednesday and although I had trouble with my plain face and new hair yesterday today I seem to be doing ok with it! Still feeling super cute!

At work I was kind of useless as my brain couldn’t get into work mode easily and when it did it was all fuzzy from fasting. On the plus side I got an hour of overtime out of a client’s side deleting is own files which had to be resolved immediately after I had knocked off for the day.

Despite the fact that my stomach didn’t get majorly grumpy about fasting I still had to contend with my brain being less then brilliant so when we went out in the afternoon I started struggling with some mental stuff between weird online interactions with some friends and a frustrating chat with Emily’s mum and my general mood crash and had to work tally hard to get a panic attack under control which I’m quite proud of. After we’d obtained motor oil, wine, and a chiropractic adjustment, we headed home where I curled up on the couch and played Age of Empires 2 HD while we watched Nebula Jazz until bedtime.

Tomorrow I’m headed into work and I am hoping for two things, one, that everyone freaks out about my hair, and two, that I can focus on work for one solid day considering we’re heading out to Sydney on Friday.

Today I lost at Magic.

This morning once I was up and about (Emily was up early for a PT session that got cancelled so she went for a walk) I organised myself some breakfast and then tried to work out the vods for last night’s I Am Not Trying To Kill You stream which ended up being complicated but in the end I worked out how to do what I needed with kdenlive. A little before twelve we headed down to Willunga for lunch with Julia’s family which was nice enough but felt I a little distant today taking to them and especially Julia for some reason which was frustrating. On the plus side every time I walked past a mirror I was surprised by my reflection and started smiling and posing and just generally feeling great cause I love how this hair looks on me. After lunch we did some dollhouse assembly, or Emily did, and then we got it the Magic cards for a game of commander. Rhys had a new pre-built commander deck which did totally destroy us but it was fun to get the cards out considering how long it’s been since we last played.

Once we were finished getting beaten and made our way home I managed to get the vods uploaded to YouTube and finished off the dishes while we watched the last of the Court of Swords that’s out and started catching up on Nebula Jazz.

Tomorrow is gonna be a fasting day and working from home which is really confusing because of how today was a public holiday so I am going straight from no work to working from home such seems weird.

Today I got a haircut.

I’ve had the same hair for pretty much my entire adult life, even through gender transition. I realised a while ago that although I wear it in a pretty standard way it’s the same way that a bunch of my favourite characters from games and other media wear their hair and I’ve resonated with that, found strength in sharing a look with my heroes. But I’m going to GXaus this weekend and I need my look to be extra cybergay so after spending the morning having breakfast and then doing some website work for one of Emily’s clients we headed up McLaren Vale and I had my first proper serious fem haircut. I showed Anne, the hairdresser, a bunch of random pictures of cyberpunk bobs and then a bunch of pictures of Sombra from Overwatch and then they did crazy shit with my hair for four hours and at the end I looked fully ready to pilot a giant robot or hack a corporate mainframe and I am chuffed as fuck.

When we got home we took some pictures with the good camera and then I headed straight to my desk to start preparing for today’s episode of I Am Not Trying To Kill You. I didn’t get much prep time and it was tight work to wrap up the story line in four hours but we did it and it was so fucking epic. Tomorrow I’m gonna have to edit the vods and put them up online as quick as possible because I am so freaking proud of how amazing that session was. Between my amazing hair and my GMing skills in pretty sure I’m at near peak attractiveness to Emily right now. Oh and we got accepted for the Indie Games Room. And the schedule for GXaus with all the things I’m in came out. God I feel amazing right now.

Tomorrow we’re gonna go and have lunch with Julia’s family and just chill out for the day. We might even get some game work done.

Today I relaxed with my wife.

We lazed about in bed for a good long time this morning. We finally emerged for hot cross buns and feijoas for breakfast which we had while I started my own journey in No Man’s Sky. My starting planet was a lot harsher than Emily’s so I’m having a very different experience all around. Of course, the GM in me has to name every single thing so that does slow me down a bit but it’s a lot of fun. I just wish it weren’t so easy to accidentally submit an unfinished name, both planets I’ve been to now have at least one typo species.

After a few hours of space exploration we headed out to the shops where Emily went in and got things because I was unshowered, unshaven, and still wearing my onesie.

When we got back we had some lunch and then decided to have a bath and watch some Court Of Swords which we did for a very long and relaxing lovely time. When we finally emerged I put my onesie back on and we continued Court of Swords as I did some of the dishes and Emily started sorting out the secondary bookshelf which she continued even as I gave up on my task and retired to the couch to play Age Of Emipres 2 for the rest of the evening. Her organising of the bookshelf was super impressive though and its so nice to have that corner of the house sorted out now even if it does mean getting rid of some books we don’t really want anymore.

Tomorrow we’ve got my streaming show I Am Not Trying To Kill You in the evening where we’re going to try and wrap up the story of the MountainBoat crew and I’m genuinely worried about whether or not I have the skill required to wrap it up nicely but I trust my players and I’m learning to trust my own skills so we’ll see how that goes. Before that though, Emily and I might go out on a little date! We’ll see how we feel in the morning.

Today I made people have a religious experience.

This morning I maybe slept in a while and then when Emily got home I was sitting on the floor next to BMO’s cage playing with him while wearing a towel because I got distracted on the way to the shower. Eventually I had some breakfast and a shower and then sat down to do some really cool makeup for GMing. I tried using multiple colours of eyeshadow for the first time which made a cool gradient and tried doing some cool shapes with my eyeliner which weren’t as neat as I would have liked but I’m gonna keep practicing cause cool makeup is so much fun! Once we were all ready for the day we headed out and got some lunch and by the time we’d gotten home and eaten it Bear and Alison arrived for DnD. The game included some character creation and a lot of bushitting and even a little nap for Alison and I but we managed to introduce the new character, set out on a quest, encounter some fire beetles and a church whose enchantment magic gave characters who failed a wisdom save an overwhelming religious experience of universal unconditional love which I thought was cool but obviously it wasn’t as cool for my players as they mostly reacted bitterly and angrily towards the situation which I had assumed some would but I had hoped at least one character would take something meaningful on board from the experience. At least they decided not to fully destroy the stained glass that made the effect. There was also some cool stuff with a Dwarven wizard the players know from their past being magically sick from trying to cast a resurrection spell on himself as he was dying and thus fucking it up and the players having to deal with his feverish body hovering four feet off the ground at all times.
It was a pretty neat adventure and I had a surprising amount of feels but I also learned some valuable GMing lessons which is always good.

Tomorrow I’m pretty sure we’re having a chill day and I’m gonna finally do the dishes.

Today I got stuff done even if it was stupid.

I ended up being slightly late to my desk this morning due to going to sleep too late the night before.

At work I managed to finally run the script than a suspends all the flagged users and get that mess sorted out as well as finish the upgrade from yesterday.

Dave arrived at around morning tea time and had to leave temporarily to go get his charging cable for his laptop at around the time I was knocking off. By the time he got back however I was knocking off again after having to revert the morning’s suspensions after having been called up by my manager who explained that the client thinks we’ve done the suspensions wrong because they seem to have changed their criteria since confirming the dataset of records for suspension. I was furious but didn’t have the energy to do anything with it other than complain bitterly over slack.

Eventually Emily had to go to her mum’s house and dinner time and then Dave got fish and chips while I made myself a cuppa soup and a piece of toast for dinner. We did a little extra work and I managed to submit our expression of interest for the Indie games room at avcon before retiring to the couch to watch new QI with the genuinely brilliant Sandy Toksvig which Dave Eventually joined me for until it was bed time.

I’m pretty sure I’m GMing DnD tomorrow but the only thing I can think about at the moment is all the things I’m gonna eat.

Today I nailed things I didn’t even expect to finish.

I was tired this morning and ended up being a little late for work, especially as it was wet so I needed an umbrella and tried to walk on the sides of my feet so no water would get in through the holes in my shoes, the weather though was very pleasant it wasn’t cold and the rain just fell straight down without​ and wind so it was quite a calming, soaking, still rain. At work I finally got a sample dataset to this client to approve so that we could confirm which users in the database needed to be suspended. It’s taken us three weeks now just to get to this point because they keep changing their criteria. I also started working on upgrading a client’s system but discovered I would have to install another piece of software first for which the install script was broken. My manager told me to leave it and to do some overtime from home to completely reinstall the stack and to do it late at night because it would temporarily bring down all the sites in that shared server. So I finished up the rest of my work for the day, forgetting to have lunch until half past three again. I headed home in the rain and find my beautiful wife and we had dinner and then, with Emily’s help, I totally finished my second game for the 200word rpg challenge and submitted them both online! Eventually at eleven pm I logged into the client’s system and realised that reinstalling the stack would probably not work so instead I chased the error through multiple files and multiple packages until I finally found and fixed the broken code in a language I didn’t know and installed the required software successfully and then walked away feeling like the biggest badass in the world and watched a couple more episodes of Brooklyn Nine Nine with Emily in bed before sleep.

I was up late tonight and tomorrow is a fasting day so I’m mostly just worried about being a less than best version of myself which I always hate.

Today I managed to get some stuff done despite my hunger.

The most frustrating thing about fasting days so far is definitely how clearly I can see my brain being less effective without sufficient fuel. Despite this, I managed to get through this morning’s work work pretty easily, partially because nothing needed me to be 100% on top of my game. Towards the end of my work day Adam started streaming Battlegrounds so I put that on my second monitor and as a part of the banter with chat some really interesting ideas about games that are changed by their players came up so once we’d headed out to get some groceries and things and returned home we sat and watched the rest of the stream together and then I got started working on a new draft for a 200 word RPG that revolved around those concepts. In the end, after working on it for the whole rest of the afternoon I actually had a pretty decent first draft, it was just frustrating to have to work through the slight haze that occupied my head because of the lack of food. I definitely feel like I wouldn’t have been able to achieve even that last week though so maybe my body IS adjusting. After dinner Em and I jumped on WoW with Alison and again I was slightly out of it and kept saying weird things and not being 100% on where I was and what I was doing but we had a lot of fun anyway and it’s always nice getting to play WoW with friends, especially ones as lovely as Alison.

Tomorrow I know work is going to be a bit of an overload but I’m gonna try and remember to use both caffeine and music to my advantage.

Today I just wanted to get home to my wife.

Despite being slightly late to work this morning due to the time it took to unload everyting from the car, I actually wasn’t as tired as I expected during work today and I managed to keep myself moderately focused throughout the day which was good. However around morning tea time I got a text from my mum saying that the internet wasn’t working. I thought I might have bumped out a cord as we were packing up last night and winced at the mental vision of my dad having a temper tantrum about the internet not working when he got home so I told mum to check all the cords were plugged in properly which she said she had checked so I agreed to come have a look on my way home from work. On the train home at the end of the day, feeling extremely exhausted at this point, I just zoned out listening to Friends At The Table on my phone and kept going as I drove to my parents’ place. Blessedly my dad was at the quarry and my mum was resting for night duty so I just kept my headphones in, went down to check the modem, spotted a cord wasn’t plugged in, plugged it in, went back up stairs, confirmed the internet was now working and got back in my car and continued on home.

Emily made dinner. We sat on the couch together and I played some of The Last Guardian before we took the laptop into the bedroom and watched Brooklyn Nine Nine while we cuddled under the covers and then traded more stories of our weekend adventures until eventually it was time for sleeps.

Tomorrow is a fasting day so I’m gonna hope my body has started getting used to it by this point and that it will suck slightly less.

Today I migrated my entire workspace. Twice.

I woke up in the beautiful morning sunlight on Dave and Sarah’s futon at about 8am this morning, I didn’t want to wake them so I just grabbed my laptop and watch Adam Koebel streaming for a little bit until I fell back asleep. When I woke again it was more like ten thirty which I decided was an appropriate time to awake. Dave also emerged from sleep and eventually also Sarah. We had hot cross buns and then Sarah made bacon sandwiches and we had a chat and then suddenly it was like 1.30 in the afternoon. Still in my onesie but with coat and shoes I drove myself home and really appreciated just how beautiful the day was, only to discover, when I got home, that the internet was down. I panicked, checked in with my neighbour to see if I could use their internet for the evening’s stream only to find that the whole village’s internet was down because someone had vandalised the routing box on the street.

In the end I called my mum and asked if I could use their internet and run the stream from their basement which she said would be fine so I had a shower, got dressed and did my makeup, fed BMO, and then dismantled my computer and bundled everything into the car and headed down to Willunga. In the end between packdown and set up I managed to get everything technical set up in under an hour which felt like an absolute feat of legend but it meant I had a little bit of time to rest in the beautiful afternoon sunlight, collect my thoughts ever so slightly, and make myself some food before the stream.

Emily ended up being a little bit late but I was just so happy to see her when she finally arrived back from Confest and we managed to get her set up and ready to stream pretty quickly after that so it was fine.

The stream itself was pretty good. I felt like I wasn’t GMing at 100% and so my hypercritical eyes saw the episode as a little muddy but I’m assured by everyone else that that wasn’t the case. In the end I had to wrap it up a little before was ideal because I got some grumpy text messages from my dad who was annoyed by the noise as he was apparently trying to sleep. I closed it all up neatly and we bundled everything back into the car and headed home where I got to cuddle my beautiful wife and hear stories about her amazing adventures.

Tomorrow I’m heading in to work and I’m worried I’ll be tired but mostly I’m just looking forward to the evening that I get to spend with Emily just hanging out together.

Today I went to church.
I was up at nine and rushed to get myself ready in time for church in Willunga, I had to ring my mum to help me decide which dress to wear and ended up going with flowers to match the flowering of the cross the would happen later. I slightly tore down the road to get to Willunga in time but I made it in time to meet my family outside the church and we all headed in together. It’s the first time I’ve been at a church service in a long time.

I went in knowing there would be some disconnect between myself and the service, especially because of my atheism. But I also recognise the value that religion and spirituality can provide to people from a mental health and general wellbeing perspective and I wanted to at least be open to learning lessons that were applicable to my life. 

When I was a teenager in the church I really wanted to fully understand how God worked and all the intricacies of that which included wanting to experience being filled with the Holy Spirit and I was always frustrated that it would happen to people around me but that I never really got that feeling. Eventually towards the end of my faith as it was pretty noticeably unravelling, as I started investigating radical alternate theologies within the moderate Protestant tradition, getting invested in things like the works of Peter Rollins, I started to learn that the Holy Spirit would be brought on in people by certain things, what I now recognise as certain kinds of stimuli and that one could prime oneself for those experiences so that one allowed the stimuli and resulting spiritual experience phenomena could just wash over oneself without resistance and that you would be able to have a very profound connection to your experience. I found that I could employ that, relatively simple skill in multiple types of experiences to witness the “divine” in a starry night sky, for instance.

I’ve learned to just tap on that very slightly from time to time since leaving the church and becoming an atheist but this morning in church I decided to turn it on a bit more for the first time for a very long time and it definitely helped me more profoundly accept a lesson of self improvement and self forgiveness that was otherwise provided in a fairly average sermon.

It did also make me wish there were a way I could practice giving sermons in a secular way though. Towards the end of the service we all participated in the flowering of the cross which was as beautiful as it alway was, seeing the dead wood transform into the vibrant colourful symbol of new life as each person brings something to it.

The passing of the peace as well as the casual discussion after the service were a little weird because people who had known me as a youngster didn’t recognise me, sometimes my mum introduced me to them as if they’d never met me before, and a couple of people mistook me for one of my sisters, maybe because they assumed mum only had one trans daughter? I managed to navigate the situation pretty gracefully and even went and had a cup of tea and a scone in the hall with Emily’s mum afterwards where I accidentally got into discussions about games and philosophy with a couple of people before finally heading off.

I stopped in at home to pick up chocolate and hot cross buns before heading straight back out again to Dave and Sarah’s place.

From the time I got there till something like two in the morning we just sat and chatted together. We talked about some personal stuff and some really silly stuff and I just felt so thankful that I’ve learned to make friends with people who make me feel safe and welcome and whom I can offer that care to in return. I had planned on doing some work on my 200 word RPG entries at some point but I never got around to it because of all the intense hanging out. Considering how late we ended up letting it get I decided to spend the night on their futon.

Tomorrow I need to head home and work on my 200 word RPGs before getting ready for my monday night DungeonWorld stream, which I am super excited about!

Today I went walking on a fasting day. 

I slept in as long as possible this morning so that I could push breakfast back and not have to spend as much time being hungry. In the end after having my long shower and getting dressed and made up I finally had my breakfast after 12 o’clock.

I had planned on getting two draft for game designs done today, one of which I made good headway on after breakfast but I had also organised to go for a walk with my mum so she and my sister showed up and we went for a good walk around the village which was great except for the number of three corner jacks still around that go straight through my thongs. πŸ˜’

After the walk I tried doing more work but ended up really struggling to make my brain work. Instead I ended up letting BMO out for an extended fly and play and cuddle session which was just great and I need to do a better job at remembering that BMO cuddles, like music, help improve my mood drastically if I can just remember to employ them.

As the evening wore on after putting BMO back in his cage and failing to make any further progress on either of the games I made myself some dinner despite my headache. I winged the numbers on dinner a little bit but I’m pretty sure I came in pretty close to exactly my limit on calories. The eggs I had with my toast, however, weren’t as completely cooked as I’d have liked so after only a single episode of Swan Song I retired to bed with a grumpy tummy and a sore head from not drinking enough throughout the day.

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday and I’ve been invited to attend the flowering of the cross at my mum’s church which I used to go to as a kid and I STILL haven’t decided if I want to go. I want to be able to go and enjoy the service without feelings of being fake because I’m an atheist and feelings of being judged cause I’m trans. I just have to work out if I can push those things aside to gain the spiritual value out of the celebration. 

Today I went to two birthday parties.

I slept in a little longer than expected this morning, but despite that and despite having to work real hard to fight off some serious post-shower dysphoria and angst, partially with the help of some friends online, I still managed to make it to Nana’s birthday lunch picnic at Old Noarlunga only five minutes late.

The family lunch was actually surprisingly lovely and peaceful. I love how much less friction there is in my relationship with Evangeline since she got back from England. All in all it was just a really nice time.

When I got home I had planned on playing WoW or doing some work but instead found my self napping long and hard. When I finally came back up I spent ages taking to a trans kid who is struggling with all the genuinely shitty things in their life while I struggled to make myself afternoon tea because of depression and wife being away. Once afternoon tea was finally achieved at nearly dinner time I took moment to give BMO some cuddles before finally heading out to our neighbour Michael’s 70th birthday.

I was totally nervous about having to be social with a crowd of people I only know as mostly aquantances but in the end my social skills stepped right up to the challenge and my anxiety totally put it’s head down and I had a really nice evening and was there until much later than I expected just chatting and talking. By the time I got home in the end it was late enough that I just curled up in bed and read things on my phone until it felt like time to sleep.

Tomorrow I’m actually going to fast and it’s gonna really suck being home alone but hopefully I’ll be able to get some game dev work done and play some WoW without feeling too miserable.

Today I didn’t fall in a pile.

This morning Emily and Annie and I all got ready at the same time. I gave Emily lots of hugs and kisses and then they left for confest as I left for work.

Work itself was fine enough, I had things to do and reasonable time to do them in without going too hard.

I ended up being there a little late which is fine because tomorrow is a public holiday so any extra time to make up for that is good.

Once I was home again it was already dark so I didn’t want to turn on too many lights for fear of waking BMO so I crashed on the couch to read Twitter and rapidly descended into a vortex of hunger and sadness where I was too hungry and sad to cook and eat food but that was what I needed to not be hungry and sad. Eventually I used a podcast to power myself up enough to make and eat food, after which I managed to make my way online to play WoW for the rest of the evening even if I didn’t really get to play directly with Alison because the starting quests for a new character at level 100 take so long.

Tomorrow is a public holiday which I wasn’t really prepared for. We’re having a lunch for Nanna’s birthday which sucks because tomorrow will be a fasting day for me. Maybe I’ll move it to Saturday so I can join in party food. I don’t know.

Today I was sleepy and hungry.

It was a fasting day today and it wasn’t too bad in the morning. We switched to larger breakfasts and smaller lunches to aid morning work it wasn’t until it was properly lunch time that the hunger pangs set in and after one and a half eggs they didn’t really go away. After work we watched a little YouTube and headed out to run some errands and then when we got back I kind of collapsed on the couch watching Court of Swords the whole evening. Annie came around to have dinner with us and she and Emily packed and prepared for heading off to confest tomorrow. I’m definitely going to miss Emily for the next few days but I’m going to try real hard to make sure I have some kind of human contact as much of the time alone she’s away as possible so that I don’t crash into the pit of despair.

In other news I’m thinking again about cutting my hair and it’s really so tempting to do it as a pre GX Aus thing but at the same time I really like my hair now and I’m such a wuss.

Tomorrow I will leave for work and when I get home Emily will be at confest and I’m going to be ok because I am a grown woman with friends and self confidence and not a codependent sad sack.

Today I went and did the social.

Parking at the train station was frustrating this morning and I didn’t feel like I got to nap on the train enough to make up for my tiredness. 

At work I thought I was being really focused and productive and then I got to the end of the day and went to fill out my timesheet and discovered that I really hadn’t been.

After work Emily and I met up at the Goodwood train station and we headed to Arggg to socialise with other game Devs which I feel like I’m getting worse at because I definitely felt really uncomfortable for a bunch of the night and that was only talking to people I already know.  Afterwards Dave drove us back to where I had parked my car in the morning and then came around to our place and we had some deep talk until it was time for bed.

Tomorrow is a working at home and fasting day which is gonna be tough but hopefully I can make the evening rewarding enough to make it worth it.

Today I streamed a roleplaying game.

This morning I we had a gorgeous lie in and then eventually emerged into the dastardly cold to eat breakfast, watch Star Trek, and shower. Once I was dressed we headed out to the shops to get some groceries and then came home to have a cup of tea and a sit down before beginning the dishes. We listened to Court Of Swords while I did the dishes which was a little intimidating but mostly inspiring. The dishes took most of the afternoon but mostly because part way through one of my players for the evening’s DungeonWorld stream informed me that they couldn’t make it and I spent a large amount of time frantically trying to find a replacement.

Eventually I found one in my amazing friend Maize. I finished off the dishes, did my makeup and got myself ready and then it was time to stream. About twenty minutes into the first hour of streaming the software I was using for my video call informed me that my free trial period was about to expire so naturally I kept GMing while at the same time resetting my PayPal password so I could upgrade my account. Apparently I also had my own volume down really low for the entire time but only in the stream, so the other people on the call playing with me didn’t notice. Both things are frustrating but other than that the game was pretty damn excellent. I’m pretty sure everyone had a really good time and I’m quite proud of the whole thing. I’m going to try and organise to play again next week maybe in the same time slot, maybe a different one that is more convenient, but either way I’m keen to keep doing this.

Tomorrow it’s straight back to work and I’ve got to remember all the stuff I was going to be doing this week. I’m not feeling keen but I’m feeling like I can be productive.

Today I won Catan.

This morning I had a long shower and got ready slightly slowly but we got to Ian’s not as late as we expected.

We had a delicious lunch and played a game of Catan with Seafarers and Cities and Knights and after nearly four hours and a nail-biting finish, I was eventually victorious.

After heading home and having some dinner we started organising for running a game of DungeonWorld on stream tomorrow. We learned how to make overlays and Emily whipped up an appropriately Gobliney overlay for me while I re-read the full DungeonWorld book, or, most of it.

Tomorrow we’re not going to fast because we’re going to focus on game design and getting ourselves ready for the stream in the evening and hopefully also doing the dishes. We’re going to switch fasting to Wednesdays and Fridays.

Today I cuddled my birb.

This morning we were only a little late leaving the house before heading to Willunga to meet Emily’s mum at the farmers’ market. We got dressed up especially for the Autumn Fair today which we headed to one we’d finished a lap of the farmers’ market and got what we needed but it was interesting because I definitely noticed some people stop and stare at Emily as she passed because she was so interesting looking which was neat because it confirmed that I am not stop and stare worthy which is apparently a thing I expect to happen sometimes.

Once we were at the Autumn Fair we had a lovely walk around and caught up with a couple of friends we haven’t seen in ages and had delicious chai and tasty pumpkin soup for lunch. I ended up leaving earlier than Em and her mum cause I was unexpectedly tired. I popped in to the supermarket in the way home and got a couple of things and then came home to BMO who was super happy to see me so I have him lots of cuddles.

After I was done cuddling birbson I spent a bit of time working on rewriting some of my DnD random tables before eventually tiring to the bedroom for a nap.

By the time I awoke Alison and then Bear had arrived and we tried to get down to the business of Dungeons and Dragons pretty quickly. It was a pretty excellent game even if it did run past midnight and only had a single round of combat. The amount of mystery, drama, and adventure that came out of a “deliver this crate” quest was amazing.

Tomorrow we’re going to Emily’s dad’s for lunch to celebrate his birthday and play boardgames all of which I’m super keen for.

Today I wasn’t as effective as I would have liked.

I didn’t end up putting on makeup this morning cause I wanted to wait and do something fun after work for playing Anna in Torchbearer later. At work I solved One issue but the rest of it was just annoying. Dave arrived at morning tea time for a coworking day which was nice though.

After work I had planned on doing a little Dev work on my own projects before doing the makeup for Torchbearer. What actually ended up happening was I was overwhelmed by a sudden wave of tiredness and ended up napping on the couch until it was time for Torchbearer.

In Torchbearer I struggled to pay attention partially because my video chat kept dropping it and partly because I was organising things for GXaus but we at least managed to bring an end to our three session town phase and actually make it out into the wilderness, if not all the way to a dungeon.

In the end we had to finish Torchbearer slightly early which was fine because then we got to watch Star Trek and Brooklyn Nine Nine in bed with hot chocolate.

Tomorrow is the Autumn Fair which Emily is dead set going to fully enjoy and then we’ll play some DnD even if we stay late in the name of fair enjoyment.

Today I got lots done.

I was up and ready surprisingly efficiently again this morning. I caught the train in to my endo appointment which involved a lovely walk in the sunshine and then, once i was there, being told that apart from the weight gain all my everythings are a-ok.

I caught the train the rest of the way into the city and headed over to the Department of State Development to hand in some paperwork for my parents before grabbing some morning tea and heading in to work.

At work I nailed a 12 hour task in 2 hours and the other task I was working ended up needing to be approached from a different direction so I know where I’m going with it now.

After work I headed home and found my love preparing dinner which we ate at our desks and played World of Warcraft as lovers do.

Tomorrow I’m working from home and Dave will likely join us for some coworking and then we’ll be playing Torchbearer in the evening which will be excellent fun.

Today I was a bastion of willpower and perseverance.

I got up at seven despite the late night and trouble sleeping, got myself dressed up neat and tidy so that my endo would know I was a serious transgender (I went full purple and black), took my breakfast apple, and drove into the city in peak hour to get to my appointment at nine thirty. Though when I got there I discovered my appointment was at nine thirty tomorrow morning, not today. I jumped back into my car and drove home and then once I was home after two hours of driving, I then got in the car again to drop Emily off at a client’s house. Once I was finally back home alone I sat down in the office and started work for the day.

I ended up working seven hours instead of five today to make up for the two I’ll lose tomorrow actually attending that appointment so instead of going from nine till to today I went from ten till five which is a hell of a long time on little sleep an empty stomach but I did it. I even decided that I didn’t want to be distracted by Twitter whole I worked and managed to go the whole day without looking at it.

After I was finished work for the day we sat down and watched a couple of episodes of Brooklyn Nine Nine until it was time to leave to go see our friends for ending hangs. Once we were in the car on the way there though we got a text saying that they would be later than planned and that they hadn’t eaten yet. Considering that the visit was going to be not super long to begin with and even shorter now and that there would be people cooking and eating tasty foods in front of us on a fasting day we decided to bail, bringing the count for pointless car rides for the day up to two. I was pretty grumpy because I would have spent my evening in a more consolidated manner of I’d known we weren’t actually going out but in the end we jumped onto World of Warcraft for bit and ran a bunch of quests with Alison which was really fun and took the edge off for me even if I was a little unsufferable.

Tomorrow I’m going to actually go to this darn appointment and then I’m gonna work in the city and eat tasty things and then I’m gonna come home to my wife and rest and it will be great. No more fasting till Monday!

Today I worked too late.

I was up right and on time and felt strangely fine this morning even before breakfast. I headed into work, struggled to focus a bit but made it through, appreciated morning tea, lunch and train snack. Don’t worry I won’t always binge after fasting days, it’s just cause it’s new.

I took the train home to my beautiful wife who was having a weird time post family lunch with a couple of not great relatives so we watched a Star Trek and then jumped on WoW to run some quests with Alison. I also unlocked a Darkmoon faire achievement which gives me a toy where I can summon wings of flame which fits my character’s aesthetic perfectly which is rad.

Eventually server maintenance kicked in right about the time that I needed to start an after hours upgrade for a work client so I jumped on to do that. Turns out the upgrade was on a different operating system to what I’m used to, included 50 something plugin upgrades, and the SSL certificates were completely broken so what should have taken an hour took more than three. I’m real glad I had lovely wife to bring me tea, slack buddies to complain and chat to, and the wisdom to put on music when I started to get me through.

Tomorrow I have to be up at seven to get to a doctor’s appointment in the morning rush hour, it’s a fasting day, and I will have had not enough sleep. I can do this. I’m a fucking Superwoman.

Today I ate less than 500 calories.

This morning we hung out in bed a little and looked up recipes for our first day fasting for this new diet before getting up to enjoy a banana with honey for breakfast. After getting ourselves ready for the day Emily’s mum arrived and we went for a walk around the village with her and when we got back we had rice and vegetables for lunch. Once we’d finished eating we bundled up all the massive piles of clothes in our room and took them to the laundromat. While we were waiting for the clothes to wash we went and visited the new library which is super cool and a very nice space but while I was there I got a message from work that there was work that needed to be done today so I would have to spend some of my time on my day on that. By this point I was already pretty delerious with hunger and probably shouldn’t have driven home but we got there safe and sound after finishing all the massive piles of laundry.

Back at home Emily started the task of sorting through all the clothes while I headed to my desk and started on work stuff. In the end after spending two and a half hours on it I discovered that I wouldn’t be able to complete the work until tomorrow anyway and called it quits at five. Emily made a pumpkin frittata for dinner and I was so excited for it and happy to have it in my mouth even if the serving size did mean I was hungry again within the hour. After dinner we sat down and played World of Warcraft together with Alison for pretty much the whole evening and only had a single cup of tea with only one sugar which I was not a fan of.

The fasting thing today fucking sucked but I feel good about it. I feel like this kind of punishment is a thing I can handle to lose weight rather than trying to make a million tiny adjustments to the things I eat every moment of every day.

Tomorrow I’m working in the city and I’m going to savour every morsel of food that passes my lips.