Today I dealt with each thing as it came up.

I woke this morning after a lovely sleep in to 37 pieces of feedback on the article I’m writing and they’re all super valuable but every time I make the suggested changes I feel like it sounds less and less like me. Every time I get to the next one I have this internal struggle between a good suggestion from a person I trust that looks right, and feeling like I’m losing myself in my own text.

I also found out that a campaign I organised for IANTTKY would need to be rescheduled. We eventually worked out a new time but it’s left a gap that I will have to fill in the meantime.

We were supposed to play World of Warcraft with Alison this afternoon but we are completely broke until payday so Alison lent us the money for sub time, except the money transfer which has always been and is advertised as instant didn’t go through straight away which we only worked out after an hour or two of fucking around and calling the bank for an inadequate​ explanation, which they provided as condescendingly as possible.

After we’d given up on World of Warcraft for the day Emily happened to find something on line which upset her in an unexpected way and so we spent a good couple of hours working through that and dealing with her head stuff around that which was super valuable but took a lot of spoons from both of us.

I had a shower to get ready for I Am Not Trying To Kill You and Emily came and sat with me cause I knew I was emotionally pretty low which was great but she had to go back to her desk when I was trying to get dressed and being shouted at by the bird so that definitely took longer than it should have due to moods. I also wanted to do weird makeup again for the stream today and I had some cool ideas but it was pretty obvious that I had gone into “this looks weird but not in a cool way” territory with my first attempt and only managed to salvage some of it with some fixes. Still looked weird but at least it was ok enough to go on stream.

The game of The Quiet Year was actually super rad though. The audio issues were easier to manage thanks to the changes in my setup and we had a really amazing and fun time actually playing the second half of the game together so that was a total win.

Tomorrow, I’ve got a full day at work and I’m kind of dreading it just because I don’t feel like I’m rested and ready enough but that’s the drum beat I’m marching to sonic just hope I can find a nice focus for my work for the day.

Today I channeled my inner terrible teen.

We had a nice sleep in this morning and then had breakfast together before I finally made it into the shower. I ended up needing Emily to come and sit in the bathroom with me though because my brain went into meltdown pretty quickly. After getting myself cleaned up and dressed I did my makeup and hair and took a bunch of selfies because I suddenly looked amazing. It was bizarre to go from so low to so high in some ways but that’s apparently just how my brain do.

I managed to do a little work on my article I’m writing and then it was suddenly Torchbearer time. As a group we did a good job of advancing through the dungeon we’re in and I got to spotlight my character in a couple of cool ways including how much of a fucking train wreck of a human being she is which was super neat and I’m excited to see what lies ahead next week.

After Torchbearer we edited vods for the most recent episode of I Am Not Trying To Kill You and then took the laptop to the bedroom to watch Brooklyn Nine Nine before sleep.

Tomorrow we’re gonna play World of Warcraft and then play The Quiet Year on stream in the evening which I’m pretty keen for.

Today I had feelings about pirates.

BMO woke everyone, including Bear who slept in our couch, up today with much yelling. We all got ourselves tidied up and headed to the Farmer’s Market where we had a small wander and bought a couple of veggies but mostly got tea and coffee and amazing cakes for breakfast/morning tea.

We also swapped over to my new corolla which I may have accidentally named “Short John” because it is small and silver.

We came back home and I did the dishes before crashing on the couch which then devolved into a nap. When I awoke Bear had prepared some of the most delicious risotto I’ve ever tasted which we are as we all watched the last two episodes of Black Sails which were a big ol time. 

Afterwards we sat with it for a little bit before moving to the office so I could do a little work and Emily could edit summer photos and we continued like that for most of the rest of the evening. We did also manage to have some really productive chats towards the end of the night, though, before Bear had to leave to get home, after which I was pretty much exhausted so I crashed back on the couch for some No Man’s Sky while Emily finished her editing.

Tomorrow is gonna be fairly chill again, I think, with Torchbearer in the evening and not much before it. Hopefully I can make a little progress on a couple of project tasks that are waiting for my attention before then, now that I’ve got the dishes out of the way.

Today I watched my time wasting away.

I was up and ready at a decent time and at my desk as needed but my task list of mostly bare at the moment so the morning was spent trying to wrangle a theme for a blogging platform into forms it was never meant to occupy at the to fit the whims of a designer who had never actually used the software we’re working on. I was largely ineffective, only managing to get a few things in line but I had Adam’s creative stream and Dave and Emily for calming company which helped.

After work I drove down to Willunga, picked up some papers and headed to the Department of Transport to register the change of ownership for the car I just bought. I waited there before being called up, asked if my name was “Kenneth”,  and then being informed I would need more paperwork to complete the transfer.

I managed to get the tears welling up in check on the drive home where Bear had arrived. I put on some makeup and took some selfies to make myself feel better before Emily and Bear set out on adventure for the evening. Dave had to keep working on his code and I tried being productive some more but it was largely ineffective, even when I retired to the couch with the laptop to work on writing an article.

Eventually Emily and Bear returned home and we promptly started a loungeroom hangout party that ended up going super late with lovely chats and chill times and tea.

Tomorrow we’re gonna go to the markets and watch Black Sails with Bear and I have to remember to do an upgrade for work in the evening.

Today I was stressed, apparently.

I managed to be up and ready and out the door all on time this morning despite feeling somewhat underslept but thanks to a drive through breakfast and encouraging text messages from my wife I managed to stay pretty chipper.

At work I struggled with my having quite enough to do and so distraction kicked in to a certain degree. Add the day wore on though I started to feel a bit shit. I assumed it was too do with all the junk I was eating but I came home to my beautiful wife and our lovely cosy home and, after chilling out for a bit and having some dinner I crashed on the couch and watched Nebula Jazz as I slowly felt worse and worse. Emily eventually came over and started going through my symptoms with me until she was sure I didn’t need to see a doctor and informed me that all my symptoms she and some of her friends get when extremely stressed. The symptoms are so different to stress symptoms I’ve had in the past but Emily pointed out that previously I’d not been on HRT.

I was supposed to do some work this evening for an out of hours upgrade but the fact that one of the symptoms appears to be struggling to read that seemed like a bad idea. I did feel a bit better as the night went on but by the time I was anywhere close to functional it was midnight so I’m gonna just let work know I was sick and see if the client wants me to do it tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will be working from home and Dave and Bear will both be visiting for different parts of the day which will be nice. It will be a fasting day for me which will suck a bit but the additional company will help. I just hope that there’s not an issue with not having gotten that upgrade done.

My amazing partner looked so gorgeous editing pictures from the day in our little bower so I stole the camera.

Today I went from dark cloud to peaceful.

This morning I slept in as late as possible before getting myself up and made my way to my desk. Between struggling with work, especially due to not being sure what I should be working on, frustration about some other stuff that was happening incidentally, and my left over brain chemicals from last night I got into a really moody state and was mostly useless work-wise. When we got to the end of my work day Emily sat me down to check how I was doing and I basically started crying a whole bunch and then we had a really nice chat which made me feel a lot better. Then I took Emily to a doctor’s appointment and had a really lovely chat with Adam while I waited for her which helped me back into a properly peaceful headspace. We headed back home and set me up for the evening and then Emily headed off to her mum’s and I settled into the couch and watched vods until I had to retire to bed due to headache and and wooziness.

Tomorrow I’m working in the city and I’m gonna eat all the tasty things cause fasting today was hard.

Today I struggled a little in the brain space.

I was pretty tired getting up this morning but managed to get it together and make it in to work on time where I had a lot of meetings, a little work, and a lot of distraction. In amongst all that my brain started running one thread of dysphoria out of nowhere (maybe actually talking about online harrassment with my manager, not sure) and then also kicked in a second thread of suicidal ideation thanks to the incessant coverage of Zack Snyder’s stepping down from the DC Justice League movie and why.

I caught up with Dave after work as he’d kindly offered to give me a lift home so I wouldn’t have to take the train. Luckily I passed the violinist busking in Rundle mall that I really like on my way to meet him and hearing her and giving her all my spare change gave me an extra spoon with which to hold my emotions together for a while longer into the evening.

We made it back to our place and Dave stayed for dinner and then tea and then hot chocolate as we chatted about all sorts of stuff into the night. Mostly he and Emily chatted while I used listening to them as a calming force because they both have such soothing voices and cool thoughts. After Dave eventually headed home Emily and I had a bit more of a discussion about how we’re handling the communication between us as we’re exploring all the spaces we’ve been exploring and worked out a couple of things that weren’t really working and a couple of ways we could improve on that.

Tomorrow I’m working from home and it’s a fasting day so although I’d planned to work on my article, have an important conversation with a friend, and go process the rego papers for the new (old) car, I have a feeling that once I finish work I will only get some of that list checked off.

Today I started The Quiet Year.

This morning Emily and I had a gloriously long lie in until we finally emerged to have a late brunch and watch the last hour of episode 35, the last episode of Season 2 of Court Of Swords and oh my gosh it was so brutal and so amazing. Afterwards Emily had a bath and I had my long shower and we both got dressed and headed back to the couch to read through the rules for The Quiet Year which we’d be playing though in the evening.

Eventually I went and did my makeup all cool and oracle-like and then made sure to get some decent selfies. We had time to have some dinner and then it was time to stream. The first fifteen minutes of the game had no audio from the other players and repeated audio troubles later and then we got interrupted mid-round by my going and having to pick up a car which meant we had a nearly half hour break in the show which I think it’s why we ran out of time to finish the game and will have to be back to finish it off next week.

All of those troubles and feelings of being sucky and unprofessional aside, it was actually a really good game. Luke Bryan and Todd are both really nice and great players for the game and the mechanisms of the game themself are great and I’m excited to play more next week. I just wish I’d managed the streaming side of things better. One thing I will do is find time to rearrange my audio so that I can at least notice of there’s issues like that again in future.

Tomorrow is back to work and I’ve basically finished the project I was working on for the last few weeks so I’m nervous about how well I’m gonna be able to maintain my concentration without a single clear task to be working on. I want to maintain the levels of effectiveness from last week. In particular I want to know it’s sustainable for me, which is why I’m worried I might put a dent in my streak on day three due to indirection. But I will try my best.

Today I managed to write an unexpected 1500 words.

This morning I struggled to awake but we managed to get showered and dressed and headed up to the bakery with Izzy to get a lovely sunny bakery breakfast. Afterwards I dropped Emily and Izzy off at the train station and headed home, already feeling exhausted. I brought BMO out of his cage for a fly for a little bit and then managed to make a small start on an article I’ve been wanting to write for a while on Narrative Belief before crashing into a nap on the couch. I did manage to make my way back up to conciousness enough to drive to my parents place where we organised a new car for me to drive since my Supra is out of action for the time being. I helped my parents update their computers to protect against WannaCry and then mum gave me a lift home. I went to go work on the article some more and discovered that our internet and, indeed, everyone’s internet was down so I spent the most of the evening writing on my phone internet while I waited in the queue for my ISP tech support and by the time I got through the issue was resolved. Emily arrived home just as I finished off the first draft of the article and so we had some dinner and curled up on the couch to watch a couple of episodes of American Gods and some Court Of Swords until late into the evening, hoping to see cool things that were nice to watch and kept finding things that were cool but also in some way horrifying. It was all pretty damn cool though.

Tomorrow I want to try and make my morning productive in some way so that running I Am Not Trying To Kill You in the evening isn’t my only achievement for the day.

Today I was photographed a bunch.

Emily was out of the house to go to the markets with her mum before I was out of the shower this morning so combined with the only slightly faded self loathing from last night I was fucking totalled by post shower depression. Luckily Izzy was running late so I still managed to get myself looking presentable in time to go pick her up from the train station after which I was pretty much distracted. We headed to Willunga, found Emily and wandered around the markets collecting things for a picnic lunch. Once we were all organised we headed up the hill to Kuitpo Forest and the area of the forest near where we got married. We sat on a log and are our cakes because they were awkward to carry and then we started our photo hike in proper. Over the course of the next several hours we climbed some intense hills, saw lots of mushrooms, and took a LOT of photos. 

The whole place kept looking like it was a fucking video game level and the passing clouds were perfect for providing different levels of light for different pictures. As the girl who only had a phone camera instead of an expensive DSLR I ended up being in way more photos than I took but that was really nice. Having photographer friends is good for reminding you that you’re blessed with a certain level of convention attractiveness.

Eventually we made our way back down the hills and to the car and managed to get home, charge fine camera batteries and then make it to the beach in time for some sunset shots which was really nice.

Afterwards we went and got fish and chips and headed home where Emily and Izzy had a photo editing party and I lay on the couch watching Court Of Swords and drinking tea and eating chocolate because my lack of stretching and exercise in general left me with a super bad case of sciatic pain all the way down both legs from my lower back making it difficult to stand up.

Tomorrow Emily’s got some filming to do in the city but I have to go talk to my parents about what we’re going to do about cars for me now that we know my Supra has a blown head gasket. I’m pretty upset and am fearing but what comes next but I’m gonna have to try my best to keep my head on straight so that I don’t just make things worse for myself with my head stuff.

Today I was mostly approved of.

Emily and I managed to make it into the city on time today so that I wasn’t late for work even if it meant not turning around to collect Emily’s forgotten breakfast smoothie.

The first thing after walking in the door at work today was my performance review which was almost universally and somewhat overwhelmingly positive. I’m getting better at handling these semiofficial conversations where management tell me how great they think I am and I try not to undercut my own success too much. Straight after that was a team meeting which meant that the actual work portion of the day was only three hours long which I managed to fill nearly completely with the last dregs of the project work I’d been working on for the last few weeks.

After work I walked a couple of streets over and met Dave and we went and picked Emily up in his car and all made our way back to Aldinga.

Dave hung around for the rest of the afternoon and evening and Emily ended up not visiting her mum’s so we all had a night of hanging out and having deep and meaningful conversations which I tried to be a useful part of despite the fact that the combination of a fasting day and still being sick meant that I was basically off my head the whole time and so mostly just wandered around looking at pretty colours and swearing in No Man’s Sky but I understand Emily and Dave’s chat was super valuable which I’m really glad about.

What I’m really fucking bummed about is the fact that Emily pointed out after Dave had left that I’d actually been a fucking asshole and really hurt her during the course of my fucked up attempts to be helpful over the course of the night. I made a point of apologizing properly and making sure to help her process stuff and not making it about my feelings but I am feeling pretty fucking wretched about it and I’m going to need to work harder to not be that bitch again in future. Just got to work out how to sleep as this person tonight.

Tomorrow we’re going on a photo hike with our friend Izzy which I’m super excited about, I just hope the weather is not too shit.

Today I focused on getting shit done.

I got up, got ready, sat at my desk and started working. I didn’t check Twitter, or Reddit, or any non-work Slacks, I didn’t even speak much to Bear when he arrived and whisked my wife away to perform some kind of ritual on the beach. I sat at my desk and worked until the working day was over and I was fucking great. I had music on which helped so my mood didn’t crash, I basically finished the project I’ve been working on at work and even managed to make up the lost time for my having been sick and slow previously, and I was focused. Emily and Bear were still out when I finished work and I was feeling a bit manic from my success so I just went and did a load of laundry and all the dishes that have been piling up while I’ve been sick which ended up being three lots of dishes but I had my music on and managed to get them all done just before Emily and Bear returned in the dark, after which I pretty much crashed on the couch until bed time.

I’m so proud of myself for today. I could have recognised and dealt with the manic bit a bit better but otherwise I was damn machine.

Tomorrow is my performance review at work which I’m now feeling pretty confident about just cause I’m floating on cloud 9.

Today had a rubbish time.

I started work by nine in my hoodie and trackpants and joined the sickselfie squad on twitter because apparently moat people i know have the plague. I worked until two and managed to tick another thing off my milestones list but I am definitely behind due to my being slow due to my sickness this week and generally being distracted recently. After work we had a light lunch because it was a fasting day and then headed to my parent’s place to swap cars so that mine can head into the mechanics for repair. We got rid of all the trash from my car and moved some old computers from my boot into the Hilux we’re borrowing and then loaded the Hilux up with recycling to be taken to the recycling centre. We were cold, hungry, sick, and tired and this work was physically quite tiring in that state and then I got covered in more bin juice than I’d ever seen in my life. We decided to go with “fuck it, Ashton is sick and shouldn’t be fasting anyway” so we went and bought a bunch of flowers because mother’s day leftover flowers were super cheap, dropped off the recycling, and then went and got fish and chips for dinner and then spent the evening playing No Man’s Sky and watching Court Of Swords.

Tomorrow I’m working from home again cause I’m still sick and I’m gonna try having a twitter free work day to help me focus after a discussion this evening about my struggles with keeping on task at work.

Today I was surprised I was still sick.

This morning I slept in till like 8 because my car isn’t really working so I ended up working from home. What I found as I worked though is that I’m actually still sick in ways I didn’t expect. I tried real hard to work as long and well as I could but at two thirty I had to tap out to go lie down on the couch and I never really made it back to my desk. Once I was finally awake I eventually started watching Court of Swords and kept at that until after dinner I made it back to my desk to play WoW with Alison for a few hours before feeling too dizzy again after which Emily suggested a bath which I agreed with so we watched another slice of Court Of Swords in the bath before bed.

Tomorrow I’m working from home during the day and then dropping my car off in Willunga so it can be fixed. It’s supposed to be a fasting day but if it’s fucking me up too much cause I’m sick we’re gonna bail on it but I would really like to be able to make it through.

Today I at least nailed my makeup.

This morning I went straight from waking up to watching Adam’s HOTS stream. The laptop was laggy so I at least made it to my desk.

I did try to make a start on the Green Ronin talent search but I find my brain just completely failing to produce anything of value. At midday I finally got up from my desk and had a shower. After my shower I found that the little helpful voice in my head that had been chanting “I don’t hate myself, I don’t hate myself” was gone and my mental state fell quickly off the cart. I managed to get myself dressed and made up while helping Emily process some of the stuff she’s been dealing with and also fighting off my own demons but it took longer than I expected so I sat down to watch Spirited Away as combination self care and GM prep but there wasn’t enough time to finish watching the film, let alone have the necessary quiet time around it for thinking.

We started our stream slightly late after summer technical difficulties and I wasn’t feeling physically and mentally 100% and I didn’t have enough prep up my sleeve to make up for that so I struggled to pull the group together with strong themes and narrative threads and so by the end of the game I was super disheartened despite the fact that I knew people had a mostly good time and that the audience had mostly enjoyed it. The problem with broadcasting and recording games you play is that you want each of them to be perfect works showing your skill to the best of its potential which it never is but on days like today that feels especially true. I want to destroy the vods for today’s game instead of uploading them because they don’t show me at my best but they showed me doing something and they showed my players being rad and I need to honour my audience and share this collaborative work with them regardless of my thoughts on my own performance because it is the audience that makes art what it is.

Tomorrow I’m supposed to go into work but I haven’t swapped my car with the loan car from mum while dad takes a look at mine yet so I’ll probably work from home.

Today I played Torchbearer.

Getting up this morning sucked quite a lot but I put myself together and Cammi and Kira came and picked us up and took us to my parents place and we had a lovely breakfast as a family without any weirdness or issues at all which was just so nice.

There were a couple of tasks mum wanted us to help out with instead of getting her Mothers’ Day presents and I kind of helped out but I was mostly pretty wiped out. Eventually when came back home I basically went and had a nap for a few hours and only just managed to re-emerge in time for Torchbearer. I had an energy drink to make sure I was well energized and enthusiastic to play and I think I did pretty damn well but I still faded a little towards the end of the game. Because we finished a little early, though, Emily and I had time to watch the songs from the Eurovision Song Contest in bed before going to sleep which was nice.

Tomorrow I’m running my magical realism hack for DungeonWorld as a one shot for I Am Not Trying To Kill You in the evening and seeing if I can produce a decent writing sample for a talent search before that.

Today I made it home and stayed there.

We were actually up at the human time of nine o’clock this morning despite getting to sleep after three and my waking up many times during the night because I had been plied with FAR TO MUCH tea the night before.

In the morning I did, however feel pretty wretched. It was super nice having a nice slow groggy morning with all the lovely people and the breakfast that was made for me was simply amazing but shortly after I had to go lie down for a bit to let my woozyness calm. Eventually I was up enough to go out and refill my car’s mysteriously empty cooling system. I did need another lie down after that but eventually I was feeling stable enough to drive.

We headed home and fed our bird and I crashed on the couch for a bit before having my long shower while Emily had a bubble bath. I was surprised that my post shower depression didn’t kick in today and was actually replaces with probably the most body positivity I’ve experienced in at least several months which was really nice. Once I was dressed though I pretty much made my way to the couch where I played No Man’s Sky until I was too exhausted to play anymore and then put on vods of Adam Koebel’s Sundered Lands games and watched those while Emily did Torchbearer prep until I eventually nodded off. A few hours later Emily roused me and I made my way to bed but as we were settling down to sleep we accidentally started a really intense and deep discussion about how we feel about things like flirting and crushes which was SUPER valuable but kept us up way too late.

Tomorrow we don’t have anything on the cards except for seeing my mum for Mothers’ Day breakfast which unfortunately is in the morning so I’m gonna not get anywhere near the sleep I need for a second night in a row. On the plus side, I’m pretty much not scared of family gatherings at the moment? The friction elements that have been there in the past seem to be almost not an issue these days and that’s really really nice.

Today I hung out with Dave a bunch.

This morning I was at my desk the whole time I was supposed to be and I was probably doing some kind of work I was supposed to be doing but between Adam Koebel’s streams, the arrival and presence of Dave, and my being sick I don’t think I got much actual work done at all.

After work we had some lunch and continued to work/chill until I had to nap because I was feeling unwell.

Eventually I was woken when it was time for us all to head out. We bundled into our respective cars and made our way to Dave’s house. Towards the end of the drive there I noticed my car was overheating. I managed to get us to Dave’s safely without having to pull over but I’m not sure what is gonna happen tomorrow and I’m just so upset at the fact that I’m having to deal with car issues again. I can’t fix cars, I’m not good at it and it fucks me up, I can’t afford to buy a car that is new enough to not have these problems all the fucking time, I can’t afford to pay mechanics to fix these fucking issues, and I can’t take the fucking toll of feeling like I’m being judged and somehow less capable for not being able to deal with these issues on my own. Feeling like I’m always asking for help and being a drain on everyone’s resources is too familiar these days, too constant, and it doesn’t feel fair. It feels like I’ve been trapped.

At Dave’s we found Sarah who was dressed fabulously for a night out and we all got in Dave’s car and delivered Emily to attend the SA Screen Awards where she was nominated for best documentary and delivered Sarah to an Alice in Wonderland themed event at a club in the city. What Dave and I then realised was that we hadn’t eaten so we headed out to a burger joint. Dinner was super lovely. The food was really good and Dave was both very charming and very hilarious in adorable burger consumption ineptitude.
Afterwards we grabbed a bunch of things for breakfast tomorrow from the supermarket and then headed back to Dave and Sarah’s place.

We’d just got in and made a cup of tea when Emily called to inform us that she’d won the award she was nominated for and that she was ready to leave the event so we finished our tea and went back out and picked her up. Once we had all three of us back at Dave and Sarah’s we basically engaged sleepover protocol in their loungeroom with YouTube being put up on the TV and a lot of talking about our feelings and all sorts of other bullshit. This continued when Sarah got home with Mark in tow who hung around for some of the nonsense chatting until he finally headed home and we all went to bed, Emily and I sleeping on their futon.

I’m genuinely super worried about getting home in my car tomorrow but other than a few small errands Emily needs to run I think the day is pretty much just set for chill.

Today I worked while sick.

I wasn’t up till eight thirty and wasnt at my desk until slightly after nine. I felt fine in the morning but as the day wore on my brain got me fuzzy, I got more distracted and I only just managed to get something decent finished. After work we just crashed on the couch for the evening playing No Man’s Sky and watching Sense8.

Tomorrow I’m working from home again but Dave might be visiting. I am supposed to be going to a party in the evening but that will depend on my health.

Today I was too sick for fasting.

I didn’t need to get up till eight thirty this morning which was nice and then by nine I was working at my desk. We started the day out fasting, having a restricted calorie breakfast etc but by one o’clock in the afternoon I couldn’t actually really parse the text on my screen for the work I was doing and so we declared me to be sick and decided that we shouldn’t fast while sick. I tapped out of work an hour early and retired to the couch for the rest of the day. We headed out to the shops to get stuff for dinner at one point but the rest of the day was basically just Adam Koebel vods and No Man’s Sky and naps for me. I felt very lucky to have such a lovely wife looking after me.

Tomorrow I’m gonna reattempt working from home for as long as I can for money’s she but also I need to let myself rest as needed.

Today I got a bit funny headed.

It was cold this morning and I wasn’t sure my car would start but it did. I made my way to work and tried to get shit done. Instead however I saw a video of Tom Holland performing Rhianna’s Umbrella education was I thought was quite sexy so then I spent most of the morning having weird feelings and thoughts about my relationship with sexiness and it felt like my brain was getting somewhere until it started going somewhere completely different and that other place was groggy pain town I started to come down with some kind of sickness. Eventually I was done at work and met up with Dave and we headed down to the Goody for Arggg where I was definitely good and social but also definitely used more spoons than I should have. Dave very kindly dropped us back at our car at the end of the night and then we made our way home in my cold car to bed.

Tomorrow I’m working from home and planning on just resting after that because it will be a fasting day.

Today I got my wife back.

This morning I was up at six in order to make up for the extra time spent on the train this morning to get to the place I was delivering training today. I managed to make good time and even watched some extra training materials on the train to get myself up to speed. Once again I managed to ace delivering training which was great cause it reinforced that I’m good at this thing I’ve only recently realised I’m good at. I rushed home as quick as I could after work, had a quick lunch and then I got set up for streaming. Today’s game was a one shot but it was bloody excellent. We had a larger than normal audience thanks to Laura Kate Dale’s appearance on the show and told a brilliant neat little story that tied up super nicely after which I drove into the airport to pick up my wife and B brought her home for cuddles and watching things on the laptop in bed.

Tomorrow is gonna be just a regular day at work but I know I’m in super high demand at the moment so we’ll see how I handle that.

Today I got a little bit done, but only just.

I woke up at 7:30 , decided that was unacceptable for a Sunday and then woke up at ten. I enjoyed Twitter in bed for a bit and then started to struggle and only just managed to make it out of bed and into the shower just after eleven. Music helped me through what have otherwise been a really tough long shower but I still crashed sort hard after getting out of the shower. I didn’t end up being ready to go and pick up the recycling and car battery charger until 2pm which on its own was worth one of the panic attacks I had had. Luckily I managed to cry out all my years before I got around to putting on my makeup though that’s probably why I’ve felt dehydrated the rest of the day.
When I got to my parents house however, it turns out they weren’t there and when I went to organise the things myself I discovered for various reasons that I couldn’t, making my whole trip to Willunga an infuriating bust, especially considering the fact that this morning’s hystetics wouldn’t have been anything close to what they were if it weren’t for the need to do these errands as discussed with mum hanging over my head. I went home via the shops, getting bird food, eggs, pumpkin bread, and chocolate (for when it’s not a fasting day). I spent most of the rest of the afternoon then on the couch watching old episodes of Swan Song I hadn’t seen and playing games I have to judge for ResistJam and idling on Twitter.

For dinner I had an egg on pumpkin toast and an icecream and my mum came and dropped off the car battery charger as a way of apologising for earlier I think.

I got into bed super early with the laptop in the hopes of refreshing myself in preparation for tomorrow’s training even though I didn’t want to. In the end I ended up having a long discussion about my being trans with a friend I haven’t talked to in several years instead which was actually really nice. I did also manage to submit the media details for Monadnock in the IGR but never quite got around to watching that training.

Tomorrow I have to be up early to head in to deliver this training but then in the evening I get to run footprints on I Am Not Trying To Kill You which I’m excited about and then I get to pick Emily up from the airport which I’m even more excited about! I’m so keen to have her home properly!

Today I was super sleepy.

After finally getting to sleep at like three am on Dave and Sarah’s futon I finally woke this morning and was treated to tea and later decaf coffee along with beacon and eggs and toast and tomato breakfast. I had a shower there which involved me cutting up my face a fair bit when shaving and then after I was out and dressed, Sarah’s brother and his partner showed up. After hanging out for a bit I eventually made my way home with Dave’s help where I tended to the animals before going for a walk with my mum. The walk was bracing and really woke me up and it was nice to get to chat with my mum.

After the walk I gave BMO some cuddles and then managed to do some laundry, clear the clean dishes off the sink, and make myself some dinner before eventually running out of spoons I time to crash at my desk and play a couple of hours of WoW with Alison. Eventually though I fell asleep at my desk and had to hit the sack for the night.

Tomorrow I’m having a fasting day and mostly trying to play some games either for ResistJam judging or just to relax for the weekend.