Today I crashed hard but was cared for.
I was up at a good time this morning and pretty quickly got onto having a long shower which was a big struggle but I managed it. I got myself dressed, got a little work done, had some lunch, and then just fucking broke down. I found myself on the bed having some of the most intensely rough and dangerous mental experiences I’ve had in a long time, which is impressive considering where I’ve been at so far this year. I managed to message Emily and she came and helped me through the second half of it and then organised a care plan for the rest of the day. She kept me company, kept me occupied, even while doing her own work. Dave came around for the afternoon and evening and we worked together a little, him doing actual code stuff and me writing a game over the course of an afternoon. We all had snacks and Emily made delicious pasta for dinner and then we watched Logan, which was very disappointing, and then the first episode of Dirk Gently which was very not. I felt more cared for, loved, and supported than I tend to think I deserve, but that’s the crux of it I guess, nothing is ever fair, good or bad, it just is.
I’m not sure what my plans for tomorrow are yet, but I think I’m probably streaming in the morning and playing Torchbearer in the afternoon? That will be nice.