Today I pulled myself up with roleplaying games.
I was super tired this morning but I managed to drag myself to work. I struggled really badly for a lot of the day, though Bluejay’s colouring stream helped a lot of the first half of the day. Around lunchtime however my headspace got really bad and I was really thankful for the support of some friends online. I wasn’t thankful for the fact that my manager came into the lunchroom while I was on break and trying to work myself back to a safe space and, in an effort to show solidarity, started complaining about the anti-queer hate ads he’s been seeing on TV which instantly pushed me off in another unhelpful headspace direction. In the end I slowly clawed my way back to a position of control and ended up having an hour of power at the end of the work day. I crashed again on the way home from sudden mirror dysphoria but that melted away on coming home to Emily and holding her in my arms. Then I got to run Scum And Villainy on stream and I feel like I and the group are really starting to hit our stride which is super nice and the game tonight felt really good.
Tomorrow I’m working from home and I’m gonna try and tap back into that energy from today’s hour of power. Plus Dave is coming around so that’s a nice reward to look forward to for doing good work.