Today I spent the evening with Emily.
I slept short and poorly again last night and honestly couldn’t believe how tired I was when I woke up, but I headed into work and got a small amount of shit done between different team meetings. After work I headed home and on the train watched Adam’s first episode of Hot For Teacher, his relationship advice show, which was excellent and really helpful. At home I got the lounge set up for streaming and then when Emily got home we played No Man’s Sky on stream as a lovely couch date for most of the evening and then had a really good chat afterwards within which I realised that I’m often terrified of people expressing their being upset because I assume they will weaponise their hurt against me, that my default way to deal with people I’ve hurt is to hurt myself to take away their pain and then heal myself by forgiving them for the fact that I got hurt which is super fucked up, and then later also realised that I’m pushing myself too hard in my hobbies because I’m unhappy at work and that this is how I burnt out last time but I’m not sure what to do about that.
Tomorrow I’m working in the city which I’m not looking forward to but in the evening I get to stream Scum And Villainy which is super fun and I’m keen as heck for.