Today (Friday) I didn’t realise how dysphoric I was until it was too late.
This morning I was pretty happy to sleep in until 8 am and then showered and dressed and ended up at my desk at nine, though already not feeling 100%. Work itself was really frustrating and I found myself getting really anxious but Dave arrived halfway through and it was nice to have him in the space.
After work we had a cup of tea and a chat on the couch which actually lasted until it was time for us to take Emily to her mum’s for the night. We headed out and dropped Emily off at her mum’s place and then Dave and I went to get some Chinese for dinner and ran into Sarah F’s mum in the street on the way which was lovely and also hilarious and only slightly awkward. Once we had did though we headed home to eat and then spent most of the evening working on code projects until my brain stopped working, after which we just watched robot wars until it was time for Dave to head home and me to head to bed. As Dave was heading out I realised that the discomfort and tension is been feeling all evening was dysphoria and Dave comforted me a little as I cried and eventually I was ok enough to at least head to bed.
Tomorrow I’m streaming super early and then we’re heading to Melody and Sarah’s place to playtest some RPGs including The Republic which I’m super nervous about.