As a gamer I get so confused and frustrated with sickness and mental illness. I don’t understand that in the real world your agency can be reduced or increased pretty much at random. I’ve grown up with media that talks about power in the same way that other media talks about fortune or love; that if you do the right things your agency increases, if you do the wrong things it decreases. When my ability to do things is reduced because I rode on an aeroplane a week ago or because paperwork is triggering to me I get angry and frustrated. “This is bullshit!” I yell at my sore throat and panic attacks “I’m gonna go play a game where I don’t get debuffed unless I actually fuck up.”


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