I’m gonna have to stop you on the “historical fact” that Grigori Rasputin was “probably not a zombie”.

Let’s consider the known facts:
1) He had zombie eyes. Look at any goddamn picture of the man. Zombie Eyes.
2) He came from Siberia?
3) He was a “monk” that would “do battle with the devil on the devil’s home ground” by hanging out in bathhouses and having massive orgies. If that doesn’t sound like a thin cover for using unholy magics to achieve some form of immortality that is a pale imitation of life causing you to indulge in excessive carnal pleasures I don’t know what is.
4) On the night of his “death” he was fed massive amounts of Cyanide cleverly disguised as cake but because undead are immune to poison effects he didn’t notice. After a while the dude poisoning him wigged out and shot him in the torso twice and then ran upstairs. When he cam down Rasputin had been draggin himself towards the stairs and lunged at the dude, trying to strangle him and ripping his clothes. Rasputin was then shot again and his body beaten and thrown in the river through a hole in the ice but they forgot to weigh down his body with weights to make him sink. When searching for the body later the official report claims that the body was found and identified with a bullet wound in the forehead (no one had shot Rasputin in the head) and that the stories of the body not being found other than signs of a person climbing out of the frozen river and fleeing into the forest are false.


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