1.  How can you tell if the unknown party guest is the Devil?
– He has cloven feet
– He turned the television on to MTV (grandma was right!)
– He’s all like “hey baby, I’m burnin’ up here cause you’re so hot and I’m Satan”
– He’s checking out your copy of the Malleus Maleficarum all casual like it’s not weird

2.  Who was Jack the Ripper, really?
– The Earl of Toffee, heir to Her Majesty’s cabbages
– Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the lead pipe
– Moriarty, damn his eyes! He’s the Napoleon of crime!
– El Chupacabra

3.  How can I tell thou art a witch?
– For thou hast cavorted with Satan in a sexy way
– Because I could really use thy farmland if thou happened to be a witch
– For the milk has gone sour and I understand science not
– For thou won’t consent to a simple drowning test, the premise “offends thy good sense”

4.  Before Jack o’ Lanterns, Celtic cultures used:
– The carved heads of your enemies
– Bog sacrifice of your enemies
– Oatmeal in the shape of a face (of your enemies)
– Jack o’ turnips

5.  Which Malevolent Old Woman Spirit from Japan is the scariest?
– Cackling old woman
– Old woman bleeding from the eyes
– Floating head of weeping old woman
– Old woman inquiring about your marital status

6.  What is the only thing that can kill a werewolf?
– Silver bulletin
– Strychnine
– Rock n’ roll
– Pile driver

7.  Should we pick up this spectral hitchhiker?
– Only if he will share his weed
– No way, they’re jerks! You give them a ride and then they vanish without saying thanks
– Only if they’re doing that thing where you stick your leg out
– I don’t trust those spectral hitchhikers, they’re all the same, but I’m not racist or anything

8.  Trick or:
– Treacle
– Train
– Tits
– El Chupacabra

9.  If you say “Bloody Mary” three times, what will you see in the mirror?
– The Virgin Mary (this answer is blasphemous, circle only if you are willing to go to confession immediately)
– “Bawdy Mary?” this spell is broken
– A bartender who heard you the first time
– A scorching hot hag (if you’re into hags)

10. What do the zombies want?
– Brains
– Brians

Please circle your answers in blood (obviously) and submit your papers via séance

Reblogged from Subjective Eclectica: beatonna:

1.  How can you tell if the unknown…

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