Today I GMed twice.

I woke up pleasantly this morning after a nice sleep and into a sunny morning, I was on track to be on time for my first appointment of the day until I had a little post shower crash. It’s still odd to me how vulnerable I am during and then immediately after a shower. It doesn’t feel like being triggered but there’s obviously something going on there. I got myself back together relatively quickly and was up and running DungeonWorld for the Widget crowd by eleven. Today’s DungeonWidget session was really awesome. It was nice and dramatic, everyone was invested and involved and we finished on time with an epic battle and some decent resolution. We had to dash pretty quickly after the game wrapped up to the launch of an art exhibition at Red Poles for SALA that has some of Emily’s art in it. We hung around for the required amount of time, listened to the speeches, saw the art and chatted to some people before rushing back home again for more role-playing games. This time we had Damon around and played Splintering Wheel with him and Sarah and Emily and it was great. It was really nice to get back to that world and those characters and the feeling if GMing from that place of total confidence and trust in myself because I know that game. We had a really cool interesting adventure, once again stemming from Justice’s penchant for wild party shenanigans. We didn’t have to leave town, we answered a lot of long-standing questions I had about some mysteries around town and we even finished at a reasonable hour despite starting late. Thanks to my players in both games today, it was intense but I a lot of fun.

I slept real nicely (90%)

I ate alright (70%)

I didn’t exercise (0 mins)

I didn’t meditate (0 mins)

Tomorrow is mostly about relaxing with a couple of chores and errands thrown in but we’re having eggs and bacon for breakfast for ultimate Sunday feel.

I love the way Emily will start giggling at a picture of an animal and then when I ask what it is she’ll show me, start giggling more, describe the picture, increase giggling and then just keep describing the picture of the animal and giggling until I turn away.

imag3484.jpg

Today I wore myself out with nonsense.

When I got to work this morning I had a clear idea of what I was going to do during the day. That rapidly evaporated however as I discovered things weren’t going to work the way I had imagined and so I was left with a workday where during the day I didn’t really have enough to work on so I kept getting distracted by a conversation on twitter about positive gamedev communities. Eventually when things did line up so that I could be properly productive it was just before the time I would normally leave work so that’s how I ended up doing 7 hours without a lunchbreak instead of five today. Apparently during those seven hours the weather decided to turn from it’s initial state of “overcast but bearable” to “fuck you, lady” and tried to physically destroy me with wind on my way between the office, train and car.

I went straight from the train station to the car to Cammi’s house for dinner and Star Wars Edge Of The Empire. Kira’s running the adventures of the crew of the S.S. Legal Activities and it’s the first time she’s ever GMed so whenever she stumbles I feel this real need to help her out and take up a bit of the slack but at the same time I don’t want to take over the story or make her feel like we don’t think she’s doing a good job because I’ve seen some way worse first time GMs in my time. We had a bunch of fun in our Star War, stealing droids and getting into a little bit of drug related murder which my Abbi was completely oblivious to lest her image of the crew as a happy family fall apart and her mental health with it. I started to get pretty sleepy towards the end of the game which sucked because I was having fun but having trouble staying engaged as my body demanded sleep so as soon as we were done I jumped into my car, temporarily roused by the bitter weather and made my way home through the nightmare wind to bundle up in bed and try and sleep through the storm.

I didn’t sleep amazingly (70%)
I ate erratically and poorly (30%)
I didn’t exercise (0 mins)
I didn’t meditate (0 mins)

Tomorrow I have a crazy amount of GMing to do with one game in the morning and another in the evening. I just hope it’s creative and fun and not mentally exhausting.

I want to take a quick moment to comment on the @IGDASA launch on Wednesday and why it left me feeling a little uneasy. I don’t want to criticise IGDASA directly, I’m incredibly excited to see it happening and I think it’s a really important development for the adelaide gamedev community but the event on Wednesday made me feel like something was a little off. During a conversation on twitter earlier today the point was made about the importance of diverse definitions of success within developer communities in order for them to remain open, accessible and diverse and I think that’s the thing that I feel was missing from Wednesday’s event. The whole evening I felt like there was this weird assumption that commercial success was the most important kind of success and that we were all there to help each other achieve that particular form of success. During the speeches I felt like more time and energy was spent talking about the industry, customers and games as products than about the community, audiences and games as connection between human beings. I understand that IGDA is a professional organisation, for people who want to earn their living in games, which requires some focus on the business side of things, but the problem is that Adelaide is a little town, and the name IGDA has a lot of weight behind it and, intentional or not, simply by existing IGDASA puts a flag down and says “this is the center of the gamedev community now.” The problem is that our existent vibrant, diverse, creative gamedev community currently thrives partly because of the varied definitions of success shared amongst it’s members and if IGDASA is only championing one of those definitions then the others risk being left behind. I’m not saying that IGDASA are necessarily doing that but as a person who holds a differing definition of success, Wednesday’s event made me feel like I was on the outside, less serious and potentially dead weight to be left behind. I’m going to register as a member of IGDASA. I run a (so far unsuccessful) business and the opportunities available through that network are hugely valuable but also because IF the local chapter of the big name association that acts as our representative to government is going to be an increasingly important part of our community I feel it’s my responsibility to be an active part of these discussions as a voice letting people know that there is more than one definition of success in games, just ask Jason Stark.

“You’re buying me dinner.”

“Why? I stole the drugs.”

“We stole them as a family.”

#StarWars #EdgeOfTheEmpire

Today I reassured myself.

Work this morning was stressful again because of not knowing what i should be doing but that was all done by one. Emily and I then went to the shops and got some lunch and did some shopping (I need to buy my makeup online. It’s so expensive in stores) and then went and got my eyes tested. I don’t have optic neuritis or papilloedema which is good but the annoyance I’ve been noting recently is actually a result of Horner’s syndrome on my right side and we need to go look at old photos to see if my eyes have always been slightly different or if it’s changed over time. I’m pretty sure it’s been forever because I remember being self concious about it for ages even though people don’t seem to notice it. We also did the test for whether it not glasses would help and apart from a barely noticeable astigmatism in my right eye they’re actually both going OK and the annoyance I was feeling was the difference in depth of field when the pupil apertures are different sizes. So it’s nice to know I’m not going blind and I don’t need glasses.

We came home after that ordeal and let BMO out for a fly and despite one dominance nip to my cheek he was actually super lovely and had lots of cuddles and plays with Emily and I had a lot of lady feelings watching my partner play with our featherbaby. 

At some point I did have a nap though and that might have been a bad idea as it seems to have been the point at which my body decided that maybe we ARE sick which I don’t want to be especially because Emily is definitely sick. Thus, we spent the evening cuddled on the couch as I played Uncharted 4 on the ps4 just having the nicest time and repeatedly going on about how great the game and it’s graphics are.

I slept a bit too warm (70%)

I ate alright (70%)

I didn’t exercise (0 mins)

I didn’t meditate (0 mins)

Tomorrow I’m hoping I feel well enough to go to work without question cause as soon as there’s the question all the other options kind of suck. I am really looking forward to playing StarWars with cam and Kira and that crew so let it be known that I will have a tantrum if anything gets in the way if my StarWarsing.

Today I wasn’t sure what I was doing.

At work today because I had finished things yesterday I found myself in the shitty position of trying to find stuff to do and choose between little tasks that had been forgotten on the backburner.

In the end I filed most of the day under admin and when for o’clock rocked around I clocked off despite needing to hang around for another hour to go to a thing at five. I spent fourty five minutes working on my Games and Violence article and got way more done than I expected before heading off to the thing. On the way I had Pokemon Go open and passed a couple of girls looking at their phones and heard one say to the other “so what’s CP about then” and I giggled which they heard and looked up and embarrassedly said “yeah… Pokemon ” so I responded by holding up my phone where I was catching a Clefairy and saying “me too!” which got a chuckle of solidarity. It was the first real Pokemon Go related interaction I’ve had with strangers and it was nice.

 The thing in question that I was heading to was the launch of the SA chapter of the IGDA. I felt pretty out of place as soon as I arrived and was glad when @dylserx arrived so I had someone there I knew to talk to. There was a lot of mingling and then some awkward speeches and then some more mingling and normally I’m not terrible at socializing and networking if I put my mind to it but I was pretty terrible at it today, I think because the crowd mostly felt like so not my people. I think a quarter or less of the people were people I knew from Arggg and other game dev community things and so many of the other people had such a different focus to me. Like, I recognize the value and importance of good business management and income streams and growth but I don’t  care about them. Those things to me are the necessary boring/evil you have to deal with but this event, this crowd was all about that and I felt really out of place and uncomfortable. Damon and I split from the event pretty early, caught up with Emily who’d been filming in the city and went and got sushi train. Then on the way back to the train station we realised that we had missed the eight o’clock train and there wouldn’t be another one til nine so instead Damon had us come on his train and then drove us to the seaford station from Eden hills because he is an amazing friend. As a bonus we ended up catching the train with Tony Albrecht who I idolize a little and had a really cool conversation and I tried to be cool but apparently it’s fairly obvious to everyone that I really look up to and am inspired by Tony. It was a speech he gave as a guest lecturer in one of my programming classes at uni that reinspired me to chase my dreams of game development. Specifically it was the line “don’t get into games for the money or the fame or the women because you won’t get any of those. Hey into games because it is what you were put on the planet to do and you can’t imagine doing anything else.”

So after a lovely conversation with Tony we then had more chats with Damon which are always super interesting and friendly and nice, though I may have said some less than helpful things at one or two points because i wasn’t paying enough attention which sucks, but we still had a lovely drive and I super appreciate every moment we get with Damon.

When we got home we basically got straight into bed because the bed is good.

I slept poorly (40%)

I ate pretty averagely too (55%)

I didn’t exercise (0 mins)

I didn’t meditate (0 mins)

Tomorrow I’m working from home and then relaxing the rest of the day, maybe doing some writing. I hope work can just feel nice and productive instead of stilted and empty.

Today I ended up resting.

Emily went to work in the city today so this morning I was working at home alone. It wasn’t actually too bad in the end. Damon had promised to come around and keep me company but in the end didn’t manage to make it here until I was pretty much finished. In the mean-time however I did manage to pretty much complete the data migration project I’ve been working on at work which is a huge load off. After Damon arrived we had a cup of tea and a chat while he set up his computer and then we headed off to get bakery lunch.

I spent most of the afternoon and evening playing the new PS4 Ratchet And Clank which I’m really enjoying. The levels feel condensed, less open and exploratory, more cutscene filled, but the humour and the colour and the texture are all still there and take me back to playing the original with wide eyes and a dumb grin. I think I’ve found all the weapons at this point though? One of Insomniac’s hallmarks is a wide and creative arrays of weapons. It was one of the things I loved about the original Ratchet and Clank. It was one of the things I loved about Resistance: Fall Of Man. The fact that there’s an eight slot radial weapon select menu that I’ve now filled is kind of disappointing, especially as a couple of those weapons aren’t really very fun to use. In the place of an interesting weapon line up is, instead, an upgrade system. Damon and I decided I should write an article or something along the lines of “your upgrade system is bad and you should feel bad” because segmented increases to damage, impact radius, range or ammo capacity are not actually interesting things I care about in any game that isn’t a fucking numbers simulator. That all said, the game is actually gorgeous and I’m having so much fun reliving and reconnecting to the experience of my younger self.

I slept heavily (75%)
I ate better with Emily around (50%)
I didn’t excercise (0 mins)
I didn’t meditate (0 mins)

Tomorrow is my long work day and once again I find myself intimidated by it. I should be ok, I just need to work on my skills of keeping myself knowing what I’m doing at work.

derinthemadscientist:unknought:Story idea: Embed the bones of your ancestors in the foundation... by  Vurms Vurms( )

derinthemadscientist:

unknought:

Story idea: Embed the bones of your ancestors in the foundation and walls of your house, and their spirits will protect it against misfortune and, more importantly, architectural damage.

Houses thusly enchanted do not collapse, even when the laws of physics say that they must. Consequently, the vertical growth of the city isn’t limited by physics and the threat of collapse. Skyscrapers can be made as tall as you want as long as you have enough bones, and the roof of someone else’s house is as firm a foundation to build on as the ground. The city climbs itself, buildings growing up on top of buildings, reaching for the sky.

Eventually, when it’s reached heights undreamed-of by the architects of Babel, the sheer weight of the city becomes too much. The buildings don’t collapse, no; those enchantments still hold fast. But the entire city begins slowly sinking into the ground. The populace reacts by building with greater urgency, fleeing upwards from the sinkhole under the city. Which, of course, only makes the city sink faster.

A sort of equilibrium is reached: At the upper levels of the city, buildings are constantly being extended upward, towers growing on top of towers. What they accomplish is no longer expansion but maintenance, of the city’s height and available real estate. Meanwhile, the lower levels are being continually pushed into the ground.

Although the aboveground part of the city may have reached a stable state, the sunken part of the city continues to grow downward, pushing deeper and deeper into the earth. Since the weight pushing the city down is spiritual as much as physical, it sinks not into bedrock but into Hell. The spirits bound millennia ago to the first buildings in the city finally reach their afterlife, and become the playthings of devils and stranger things.

As you descend into the subterranean part of the city, you need to pass only a few dozen stories before any life, human or otherwise, becomes extremely scarce. Life needs light or food, and both come from the surface. But the spirits embedded in the walls do not, and this is their realm, governed by the politics of the dead and interminable feuds between families which haven’t had living scions for centuries. Go too deep, of course, and the squabbles of the dead give way to the squabbles of demons, but Hell is a long way down.

This part of the city, belonging to the dead-but-not-yet-damned, is very tempting to a certain sort of person. There’s some amount of loot to be found there, of course, but of much greater value is the available information. A city which has existed for thousands of years generates more documents and more history than it can hold onto, and you may find books and court records and secrets that the world of the living has entirely forgotten. And even if you can’t find what you’re looking for in writing, one of the house-spirits might know, and they can be persuaded to answer questions if you know how to ask.

So you gather your supplies and equipment and you descend, past the literal underclass, past the lairs of sleeping scavengers, and into the slow quiet city of the dead. Maybe you’re looking for a dirty secret about a current politician’s renowned ancestor, which the right people will pay handsomely for. Maybe you want to meet your own great-great-grandmother. Maybe you want to conduct an oral history of a war that occurred centuries ago.

This would make an AMAZING rpg setting

Today I was super sleepy.

Getting up this morning didn’t suck too much and at the start of the day I thought I was going pretty well at work but by ten o’clock the sleepiness started to hit me and at one point I actually nodded off while waiting for a report to generate. Once I was finally finished we headed off to Ryo’s noodles to have lunch with friends before Maize heads off back to Melbourne tomorrow. Lunch was really nice and it’s just great hanging out with lovely people. It really felt like an extension of the con. Once we were done Emily and I headed home. Getting home was super nice and made me feel so content with the life and I have built together. I gave BMO some cuddles and we unloaded most of the car and had a cup of tea before unboxing my new PlayStation 4. At pax last year I remember walking around the show hall and feeling weirdly uninspired and unaffected and then walking through the PlayStation area and suddenly starting to tear up as I felt this incredibly strong connection to my childhood and the sense of wonder and excitement that kid had when far brought home the PSX and all the amazing times I had lost in those games and even the demos. Unboxing the PS4 today I felt some connection back to that kid which is so magical.

Once we were all set up Emily and I spent the rest of the night huddled on the couch with me playing Uncharted 4 and Emily watching and it was really nice.

I slept pretty well (75%)

I ate a lot of Japanese (75%)

I didn’t exercise on purpose (0 mins)

I didn’t meditate (0 mins)
Tomorrow I’m working from home and I just want for that to be simple and then to be able to spend the arvo and evening relaxing.

Kind: Note Tags: 174 reposts

Today I completed AVCon.

We were up with our alarm this morning so we weren’t rushing to be at the convention center on time. I started today out super chipper and energetic and hype which was good but by around five o’clock I was just so totally exhausted I was no longer making any kind of sense. During the day I demoed the game to dozens of people to universally positive reactions which was super awesome. Apparently someone called me a genius? At lunch time Kira and I ventured out to Rundle Mall to get some lunch where I may have purchased a ps4 with the envelope full of money that I’ve been saving up for that. Emily and I also went for a couple of walks around the vendor hall and ended up getting sucked for Emily, a flower headband for me and some anime for the both of us. Once the time for demoing games was over a whole bunch of friends showed up at Emily’s and my tasks and helped us pack down so quickly and painlessly it was amazing. We then all ambled over to Haigs and Co where we caught up with all the other indie developers and hung atoms and had super lovely chats many lovely people who I want to talk to again in future.
I slept ok (45%)

I ate pretty poorly (25%)

I didn’t exercise on purpose (0 mins)

I didn’t meditate (0 mins)

Tomorrow I am hoping I’m not too tired for work and also hoping we can catch up with maybe maize or someone else from the con for lunch before going home to our gorgeous bird.
Also shoutout to Craig who wanted to know if he’d be in my journal, you are now buddy.